well.. it has been a few days after the sad thing happen le.. not so sad le, coz kinda get over liao.. but i noe tt i haven't completely gotten over yet.. trying very hard to smile more, to appear to be happy.. but.. nvm.. well.. now waiting for BT1 results.. coz think will do badly lorz.. spent my time on bball.. now regretted.. coz not quite worth.. but it's ok lar.. it's over.. only got back phy.. well.. i passed.. but then didn't get my target lorz.. ya.. dunno y.. these few days, very easily affected by ppl around me.. any small changes in their attitude jus put me off.. any sianness made me more sian.. then today noe the guys finalized team.. same as gals.. only 6 J2s & there are 5 centers.. quite sad for those who din get in.. afterall, we worked so hard le.. well.. yupx... i will try to be happy.. & i am trying very hard lorz.. but there are some stuff tt jus stopped me from even trying sometimes.. the attitude she gives.. the look that she gave me.. i really dunno wad to say.. i have tried to accept everyone's differences le lorz.. i have tried lorz.. but she jus make me feel extra, juz becoz i dun get into the team?! tt's so unfair!! told ppl tt i will have mood swings this week.. so try to cheer me up.. well.. i am trying not to be affected by others mood, hm.. but somehow.. or shld i jus be anti-social for one day.. dun talk & jus be a loner.. will it help? i really dunno.. i am still at a lost.. i feel tt i am jus trying to please everyone, & make everyone happy, but i think i failed..

well.. today is terrible.. a very sad day.. received the msg in the morning, tt i didn't make it into the team.. damn sad... cried too.. hm.. den.. emotionally unstable lor.. jus feel like crying for the whole day.. ya.. went my ahma house.. den meet bh at ard 3.. reallie wanna thank him for being there for me.. jus felt like crying lar.. so sadz lorz.. it's like we trained so hard, went thru so much... yet.. haiz.. kinda expected le.. so not so bad.. then rush home to watch "de wedding".. took a cab.. well, this driver dun knoe how to go bt batok lor.. from AYE, he drove to PIE coz he took the wrong way.. then finally going to reach bt batok le, then he took bt batok flyover when we ask him to use another way.. diaoz.. took one big round!!! well.. i am jus down on luck.. ytd went to eat & the person for got our orders. & today the stupid cab.. argh~ & got the bad news.. think really need a long time to overcome all these..

well.. today is bad real bad.. couldn't go cut hair coz cousin forgot to bring those stuff back.. so postpone to next week.. couldn't meet bh coz accompanying my mum.. then went to have dinner.. but the ppl forgot our orders & we waited for one and half hr for NOTHING!! my mood was bad enough.. coz Mr Tan still haven't msg me! and in fact he din msg anyone.. so it's like, i am still waiting for the team list.. ya.. dunno if i will get in.. but i kinda give up le.. coz.. i am jus not gd enough..

woohoo~ finally BT1 end le.. ytd was the last paper (physics).. killer paper lorz.. but nvm.. coz its finally over le.. hm.. then went home to take a nap after having lunch with class gals.. hm.. then went back sch for TRAINING... haha.. too long never train le.. so.. feels a little weird & breathless.. hm.. ya.. but decided to train with effort & happily.. coz think it's the last training for me le.. like.. even san say so lar.. hm.. it's like.. um.. no one bothers to see the possiblity lar.. but it's ok.. kind of get over le.. ya.. then went to shinnie's bday chalet.. haha.. had a grt time with them.. everyone is so high lar.. yah.. keep laughing.. hm.. then spent some romantic hrs with bh.. very nice lar.. though i was a little tired le.. so happy when i am with him.. ya.. so sweet lor.. jus tt really walked too much.. oh ya.. we were wearing pink polo tee.. haha.. then laughed by everyone.. but think they are jus envying..
hm.. then left there at ard 7am.. coz need to go Sentosa for bball outing.. ya.. so went to take bus.. we are both too tired le.. so slept on the bus... haha.. he's more tired than me lorz.. couldn't stop laughing at him.. haha!! ya.. he sent me home.. so nice lorz..
so went Sentosa for outing.. something happen lor b4 i went.. the team split lar.. din noe wat exactly happen.. but can sense the bu shuang-ness in them.. but nvm.. hm.. at least i got tanned!! and we enjoyed ourselves though split.. Eu & mimi enjoyed the time with guys team, we enjoyed the card playing, burying janet, taking pix in water & gossiping.. haha... quite fun.. but now.. face red & very tired.. coz haven't sleep yet.. -yawnz-
hm.. currently, waiting for the team to be annouced.. argh~~ hate the unstable feeling.. really hope tt i will get in lorz.. -praying- ya.. think tt's all le ba.. too tired.. go sleep le.. cant think of anything le.. ya.. bh very nice lor.. accompany me go home.. & he loves me!! i am so happy to have him! -luvz-

well.. today stayed at home till evening to study.. not productive but at least i finish my econs 's' essay.. hm.. then went to woodlands lib to read chem textbooks.. ya.. saw huijie and ivan on the way into the lib.. & when i left the lib.. well.. den went to my cousin house and talk.. went there to meet my mum.. din really wan to go home alone.. ya.. hm.. discussed some stuff with cousin.. then realise she very sian.. so.. we have decided to go clubbing after i turn 18.. going with my MUM.. haha.. then ask her to go sentosa next fri(provided got nth on lar).. ya.. then went home le.. realise tt my dad gives my mum attitude again, after talking to my mum.. well.. realise tt my dad is MCP too!!! argh~ ya.. then my mum says tt my dad seems to be unhappy when she went to my aunt house today.. wat the hell?! wat's wrong with tt ar.. he din even accompany my mum or ask her out lor.. and wat's wrong with him ar.. always like tt.. so wat if my mum isn't pretty?! is it very shameful to let others know tt she's your wife?! and please, it's not as if my mum got nobody woo ok.. STOP giving her attitude.. or i will be giving u attitude soon.. dun expect us to listen to u all the time.. without u, we can survive.. we have proven once.. so, u are not as impt as wat u think u are... i can see tt mum is tolerating.. & ignoring wat u are doing.. rem who's the one listening to all ur grumbles? it's her ok.. u better rem hard!

kind of need a hug now..

hm.. well ytd.. had a training match with jur again... ya.. tt was a bad offence day.. all the fastbreak didn't went in, shooting air, rebound missed.. Mr Tan even said tt we are not playing basketball at all.. hm.. but nvm.. he said tt our defence got better.. ya.. nth much.. jus told us tt there will be trial & training for J1s.. then we will have training on thurs.. then choose team le.. hm.. went out to eat with the team lorz.. had pizza.. full man.. then.. talk abt training tour, which make everyone burst into laughter.. too funny le.. ya.. hm.. then took 174 with janet, liwei, yingzi & edna.. talk abt some stupid things tt happen in the past, etc.. den talk to yingzi after alighting.. well.. realise.. it's rather risky for me le.. coz high chance tt i won't get into the team le.. ya.. hm.. jus prepared for the worst now.. hopefully.. will get in lorz.. -praying hard-

well.. went to meet bh in the evening.. then went bugis.. haha.. really got no idea where to go, wat to do.. so... went to esplanade again.. ya.. it was rather a short time together.. but enjoyed the time with him... ya.. he's still a little sick.. & got "sexy" voice.. haha..

well.. i am online again.. shows how slack i am .. well.. talk to dongwei in the afternoon.. yah.. he's really not feeling good.. kind of worried for him.. i can't give any advice.. ya.. all i could is to lend him my ears.. quite sorry lar.. for not being there for him.. hm.. really duno wat i could do.. realise tt life is not tt beautiful afterall.. hm.. talk to him le.. den went to rest.. coz can't concentrate on other things too.. hm. then my dad came back.. & i continued to slp.. if not, i oso cant study.. he too noisy le.. so slp real long lar.. hm.. then have dinner & do maths.. wad a sian day at home.. miss bh alot lor.. & he's still sick.. haiz..

I tRuSt aNd lOvE yOu. . .

ytd.. was actually a terrible day.. it was meant to be a happy day, coz it's yan's bday.. but things(like i played the least) tt happen b4 tt had spoilt my mood entirely.. tried very hard to control my tears.. and i DID! then, i guess i was happy la.. den went to meet bh, & suddenly talk abt some stuff.. & started crying.. maybe jus feel like crying ba.. was feeling much better after talking to him.. really.. maybe coz he's there with me.. & i wasn't lonely.. thx..

well.. today.. didn't really expect to play much.. coz of the experience ytd.. but.. carmen & eunice didn't come.. so it's like.. no choice got to put us.. wad pissed me off was actually tt they put gc instead of moniaq as small center when gc was NV a center.. how can they make such decision when Mr Tan was not even there!!! but nvm.. later the match was played in a terrible manner.. ya.. got scolded by Mr Tan.. for making stupid mistake twice.. BUT i wasn't the only one.. & i was the only one getting scolded.. but it was ok.. jus tt i nearly cry la.. think no one bothered... so.. um.. nvm~ ya.. then when he put me down again.. decided to work extra hard to defend well.. last quarter.. defended well.. played thru'out the whole quart.. but offence... sux.. didn't even realise i was standing the the 3pt line & i can shoot.. it's ok la.. so mood wasn't tt bad.. jus tt got 5 blueblack on the left knee.. & one deep and big one on right thigh.. the big one quite pain.. but.. it's ok le..
ya.. bh still sick.. for so long le.. kind of worried.. quite xin tong too & guilty.. for not being by his side..

hm.. ytd.. went shopping with my mum.. she is like kid lar.. cannot stand her.. haha.. then went to eat dim sum as well, not too bad.. was shopping till ard 7, den decided to go home.. legs rather tired.. so decided to take cab.. waited for half hour lor.. den still got ppl cut queue.. despise them.. but.. still manage to get a cab.. haha.. den after i reach home, went out again.. to meet bh.. hm... his plan din work.. coz it was raining.. -haha- den went walk walk ard jurong east.. had a talk at some void deck.. hm.. den realise tt i tell him many things abt me, but all that stuff had passed.. hm... ya.. dunno y, once i see him, i wun wan to go home le.. it's just a special kind of feeling... jus feel very comfortable with him.. very touched by a msg he sent to me.. very sweet.. i guess.. i am deeply in love with him le... -hugz-

Loving you is never tiring. . .

hm.. woke up at 6plus, wanted to do GP then go sch.. but, got a terrible headache... still aching now.. msg Miss Sng, carol & Bh.. think Miss Sng is disappointed ba... *feeling guilty* but.. i really can't take it lorz... hm... work up around half an hour ago.. wondering wat's bh doing.. he must be lonely.. -hugz-
ya.. ytd, was a wonderful day.. abit bad in the 1st part of day though.. kind of "quarrel" with him in the morning, coz i wasn't in the good mood.. i am so sorry.. but then after taking a nap.. it's different.. bh was very happy.. coz he got his 1st trophy, and he played well today.. happy for him too.. went to meet the class... as usual, no planning as well.. but nvm.. had fun laughing at handsome... haha.. then went esplanade again with bh only.. spent a sweet nite together.. :) then went home at around 10.45 i guess.. ya.. very tired after tt... battery flat.. haha.. thx dear..

love is in the air..

today.. is a weird day.. i was supposed to be rather happy.. & i was very happy.. b4 i go for training.. hm.. played against VJC & won.. but we didn't play up to std.. well.. no need to mention how i played.. coz there's nothing to talk abt.. nowadays.. quite stress.. coz have been slacking too much.. & need to keep up with sch work, train hard to get into the team, etc. mood swings start to get worse.. so.. didn't wanna talk much.. but.. dun worry.. i will overcome all these myself..so.. dear, dun really need to worry lar.. coz i am perfectly alright... no matter wat happen, u are always there.. so, tt's gd enough for me le.. sorry for having such terrible mood swings..ya~ i will smile more.. it will be alright after block test... :)
feeling a little tired. . .

today is the start of my study plan for BT1... manage to finish wad i aim to.. tt's gd.. but then today is only the 1st day.. dunno if i will follow the plan.. haha.. dun really feel well today.. maybe a little tired.. or maybe coz i am out.. hm.. still thinking if i should go overseas lor.. kind of ex.. cant afford.. :( haix.. nvm.. jus try my best..

Y is the best gift from God...

a wonderful day today... went out with bh to the career fair & the uk thingy.. quite funny, coz we din noe where conrad hotel was.. haha.. anyway.. it's a nice hotel.. very beautiful.. ya.. bh look kiddy today.. couldn't stop laughing.. haha~ den went to esplanade there.. haha... stood there for more than 2 hrs i guess.. very sweet.. & didn't really wan to leave..
-still smiling- :) mum says tt i am smiling sweetly to myself.. haha.. really happy today.. thx dear..